so dostoevsky says, "a man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point where he does not discern any truth either in himelf or anywhere around him." and again, "it's always like that with holy fools: they cross themselves before a tavern and cast stones at the temple. your elder is the same: he drives the just man out with a stick and bows at the murderer's feet."
later on he describes how a particularly debauched character would sometimes wake his servant in the night just to be in the presence of a good man.
i had insomnia for a few months. i remember feeling the same urge and comfort lying next to laura.